…or, What Is Written on Our Face.

Do you like T-shirts with funny captions? Transactional analysis has a theory about “psychological T-shirts”, on whose front we carry the message we send to the world. This is a message people usually notice at once: it is perceived in conversation, tone, behaviour, looks, facial expression, gestures, and sometimes even in dressing style and posture. We all wear such “T-shirts”, but some of us will have a dozen, changing them all the time (depending on mood, circumstances and the people we meet), while others will only have one, beloved and shabby with wear. But we all communicate something to the world about ourselves in this way.

This T-shirt also has a second inscription: on its back. That one uncovers the true psychological subtext of the first inscription. Often we only get to read it when it is all over, and the person turns their back and goes away. This is the moment when we may discover what was hidden behind the bright front caption.

A problem of such T-shirts is the fact that the person wearing one can see the first caption well, but may have a lot of difficulty perceiving the whole picture without help and understanding the impact their life’s belief makes on others, as well as the consequences the wearing of this T-shirt has for their own life. So if you suspect you might be carrying on your back a caption that is spoiling your life, try to get to the bottom of this with your therapist or think about whether there are details in your behaviour that might cause unpleasant consequences for yourself. Also reflect on why the “back” inscription, too, is important for you personally.

To illustrate what I mean, here are some “psychological” T-shirts and their captions:

I hate you! – I need love so much…

An iron lady… – …Needs looking after.

I’m looking for a husband – …but you won’t do!

Why are people so cruel?! – Hit me!

Tell me what I should do… – And I will tell you why it isn’t going to work L

Ask me for advice – And you’ll see how clever I am and how stupid you are

Go away! – Come closer, please

Always ready to help! – But you’ll have to pay me back…